Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
