I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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