he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
