And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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