His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
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the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
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Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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