I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
