Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
