Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
