There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
