She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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