i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
