So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
