If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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