I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize