i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
did you just send me my own nude
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
