Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
