I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
