10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
