: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize