I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
