I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I currently don't understand fingers.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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