yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My bed smells like the plague
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
