He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
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i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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