i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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