So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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