and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
