Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
