I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
