Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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