Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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