Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
