Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
