I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize