i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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