like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
