I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
