Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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