Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
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They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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