Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
