so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
