Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
