Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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