He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
