Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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