I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
