We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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