my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
