im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
