Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
