put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
