the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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