You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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