Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
