She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize