I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
