If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
