so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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