I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
