Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
