meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
