Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
