He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
