my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
