Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We had sex on a dog bed..
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