i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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