I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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