My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The air was thick with penises
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
