She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
