hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Terrible idea I love it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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