a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
