she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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