you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
