Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
