take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
