I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I haven't been this sober since birth.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
