I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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