My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
