girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
