I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
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she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
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It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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