sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you had me at cake vodka
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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