just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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