I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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